


Let me tell you what's it like to be a zero

by KweenKevin



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2019-09-20 12:52:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17022984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KweenKevin/pseuds/KweenKevin
Summary: "He closed the door of the foxhole court. He went to the library, went to the history section where no one came, and broke down."Kevin tells Wymack that he's his son, and the consequences follow.





	1. I finally know how I wanna run away

**Author's Note:**

> This will be updated and mostly sad, depends how I feel.  
> Warnings: anxiety, selfharm (not explicit)  
> Tell me if you think I forgot something!  
> Title is from "zero" by Imagine Dragons
> 
> !!! I realize Wymack seems a complete jerk here, but I love him just like you all do, so don't worry !!!

“What now?”, Wymack asked when Kevin walked in. Kevin stayed still. Wymack gestured to the chair in front of him:”make yourself at home.” When Kevin stayed silent, Wymack looked up. Kevin was pale and looked nervous. “Kid, are you okay?”, Wymack asked seriously. “There is something I need you to know”, he answered quietly. “As long as nobody's pregnant or dead, you can tell me. I'm here for you Kevin.” Kevin winced at that. 

He took a deep breath, and then reached in his pocket and fished out the envelope. He handed it over. Wymack read it. And read it again. And again. Then finally he looked up at Kevin and asked, without the trademark wymack tone: “How long have you known?”. Kevin did not look at Wymack when he said: “At least four years.” “And you are sure it's true?” “Crystal. Tejitsu wouldn't want me to have anyone to run too”, he explained.

Then Wymack started to laugh. “Yeah, good one. You got me there. Was this Hemmick's idea? I don't have a son, Kevin, and I sure as fuck am not a father. You should know better than to come up with stupid ass jokes like this. You can leave my office. Here, take your letter with you.” He handed Kevin the letter, and Kevin left. 

He closed the door of the foxhole court. He went to the library, went to the history section, where no one ever came, and broke down. In silence. Alone. As he always did. Like he had done his entire life. After 10 minutes, he made a decision, went to the dorms, took his phone, his wallet and his (rarely used) car keys. Then, he left. Kevin Day, coward. 

Go on. Disappoint them even more. Show them who the real Kevin Day is. Kevin Day, coward. Finally the world will see who you really are. Kevin drove. And drove. And drove. He drove until he couldn't, and then drove some more. He left Palmetto far behind him, left South Carolina far behind him. You'll never be able to return. Why would they even want you? You only brought them trouble. Kevin Day, disappointment. 

He left the same way he lived. Alone. Everyone had someone. Andrew and Neil finally had someone they could lean on. They could trust each other and would never leave the other. Matt had Dan. Matt had someone who would fight for him, and Dan had someone who would move mountains for her. Aaron had fought for Katelyn. Allison had Renee. Wymack probably had Abby. He had no one. Not true, you have your dearest brother, who would gladly see you again. Kevin Day, lonesome. 

He drove through the night, and finally arrived at a airport at the other side of the States. He bought a plane ticket. And then boarded. - His flight was about 5 hours long, long enough for him to think. And to make a plan. Once he finally landed in Dublin, the voice in his head had said everything it could think of. You are worthless. You are running because someone let you down? No wonder no one likes you. He quickly texted Dan “I'm gone for idk how long” and then turned off his phone. He didn't want to read whatever mean answer she had for him. He was going somewhere he should've gone to a long time ago.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mom? Why did you it?”, he wiped a tear from his cheek, “Why did you leave me at the hands of Tejitsu? Why did you leave me? He ruined Exy. He ruined your sport. He ruined my memories of you. Why didn't you tell Wymack? Now he hates me”, Kevin said to the tombstone in front of him. “It was your mistake and I'm being punished”, he said. Then, a whisper, with a broken voice: “it was your damn mistake”. He broke down. But he didn't care. Who was there to see it? His dead mother.  
“Mom… I miss you. You were always there for me. You didn't leave me alone. I need you. I need you, goddammit!”, he yelled. He stayed there for who knows how long, before driving back to the hotel he was staying in.

He took the letter out of his pocket and read: “Dear Tejitsu, I am writing you to announce amazing news. I am pregnant. The father is David Wymack, but I am not going to tell him. He dreams of making an Exy team for broken kids, and I don't want to stop him. If he knows that the baby is his, he won't pursue his dream. I am telling you because I needed to tell someone. I also want to ask you to be the godfather. If it's a boy, I'm planning on calling him Kevin A. Day, and if it's a girl, Katelynn A. Day. I haven't decided what the A. stands for but I want his or her's second name to start with an A. Now, I'm ranting a bit, but I am so happy to be honest. I can't wait to see you again, Your dear friend Kayleigh Day.” He then cried. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kevin. Kevin wake up!”. When Kevin woke up, Thea was standing over him, in the hotel room, with Andrew, Neil, Aaron, Nicky, Wymack and Abby behind her. He slowly opened his eyes and saw that she was crying. “Oh god, Kevin. Don't scare me like that. Please don't ever do that again”, she cried. 

He sat up from where he lay on the ground, and flashes of the past days came back to him. Wymack's office, the airport, the graveyard, the hotel, the letter, all the skipped meals, someone recognizing him, “Hey, aren't you Kayleigh's son? The famous Kevin Day?”, the breakdowns, the knife. He looked at his arm, and saw the several cuts. He then looked next to him, on the ground, and saw the still bloodied knife. He then finally looked up. 

He looked at Thea, crying, waiting for him to react. He looked at Andrew, who had something akin to worry on his face. He looked at Neil, who looked scared. He looked at Aaron, who had the same expression as his twin. He looked at Nicky's tear stained face. He didn't look at Wymack. The upperclassmen weren't there. Why would they come? For you? They have better things to do. He hugged Thea. 

Abby came forward and took him into the bathroom with her. She took care of his wound. She didn't say a word. He didn't either. 

He went to bed afterwards. You're gonna wake up and see that it was a dream. Why would they be here for you? Who would? When he woke up, Andrew was sitting next to his bed. All he did was pass Kevin his phone, completely charged. Kevin looked at his inbox. He read the messages.  
Dan had sent: “Where you going” “Kevin answer me.” “Day, I swear to god.” “Kevin?”  
Neil had only sent him one message: “I understand if you need time on your own, just come back, alright?” Andrew had sent him multiple messages: “Day. Where are you” “Day, answer me” “Kevin.” “are you feeling alright?” “tell me if you need anything.” “Kevin.” “answer.” “Please.”  
Kevin skipped over all the messages Nicky had sent them. He looked at Andrew. Andrew stared back. Andrew finally said: “Sleep”. Kevin obliged. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kevin was back at the court. He looked around. Nobody. “Hello, Kevin”, sounded from behind him. He turned and saw Riko. All of sudden, he was 6, climbing in the car next to Riko, driving away from the funeral. He had turned to Riko, also 6, and said: “I'm Kevin.” Riko had smiled. Kevin still remembered that smile. It was a smile so diabolical, that even in hell it was forbidden. It was a smile that froze all the blood in his veins. It was a smile that 6 year old Kevin had taken for an attempt to make him feel better, but now knew better. “Hello, Kevin. I'm Riko”, he had said. Then, in a blink of an eye, he was back on court. “Why am I here?”, a french voice asked him. He turned around and saw Jean. All of sudden, he was 10, standing next to Riko, awaiting the new recruit. He didn't even smile. He didn't extend his hand. He just said: “Don’t fuck this up.” “You left me behind”, a french accent accused him. “Jean, I- I didn't mean to”, he explained. “Fuck you Kevin!”. 

"Kevin. Kevin. Kevin!” Then he woke up. He stared at Andrew. “I- You- What-”, he tried. “Kevin, breath”, Andrew ordered him. He counted in his head, and tried to breath. It took him awhile, but Andrew was patient. Once he could breath again, Andrew stood up and made for the door. “Andrew, wait”, Kevin said. Andrew turned in the door and said: “Calm down, I'm only getting you some water. If I leave you alone, Neil won't shut up about it”. Once Andrew had left, Kevin whispered, only hard enough for him to hear: “Thank you”.


	2. I remember walking in the cold of November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update haha

This time, when he woke up, sweating and hyperventilating, Thea was there. She was holding his hand, his left hand, the one that had brought him so much misery. Neither of them spoke, both patiently waiting for Kevin to find his breath. Kevin was the one to finally break the silence. “I want to go somewhere”, was all he said. Thea understood the question in it and answered: “I'll come with”. She helped him get dressed, got dressed herself, and handed him the keys to the rental car. 

Kevin drove. He didn't want to tell Thea where they were going. He had only told her that he needed her to do this, that he couldn't do this without her. He didn't say it. He showed it. It was in his eyes when Thea met them with her own eyes. It was in his stance. It was in the way his shoulders hung low, the way his back wasn't straight anymore. It was the way he tried to avoid looking at her.

When they finally arrived, they looked out on a house. It wasn't a little house, but it wasn't super big either. It was cozy. Surrounding the house was a big forest, and a gardin that should have been amazing. It should all have been amazing. It should've been a place that kept so many memories, but sadly enough it only held one. 

One he remembered, clear as day. It was a Monday morning. February second. It was a pretty, sunny day. It was the first day of sun that whole winter. His mom had gone to the store to get some last-minute ingredients for his birthday cake. He had been so happy. While his mom was gone, he had been drawing a drawing for her. He still had it, in his wallet, next to a picture of them. On the drawing six-year old had made, stood two figures. One tall lady with sloppy drawn yellow curls. She was holding an exy racket. A red and yellow one, their rackets. Next to her was a boy with green eyes and short dark brown hair. On the drawing, the boy was smiling. He was holding a racket, similar to the one the woman held. Behind them, there was an exy court. From the stadium, fans were cheering. “Team Day does it again. What a fantastic duo!”, was written on the bottom. 

When his mom stayed away for a while, he started to worry. What if she couldn't find all the ingredients? Feeling a bit lonely, six year old him had turned on the radio. Shock came. The man on the radio talked. “There has been a car accident on the … the dead person has been identified as Kayleigh Day”. Kevin hadn't heard the rest. His mom. Dead. He had ran upstairs, to his mom's room, had took her blanket, and had curled up in it. Dead. Gone. He was alone. He had cried for hours, non stop. He could still hear that voice, that monotone voice, that emotionless voice, as if he hadn't just lost his mom. “The dead person has been identified as Kayleigh Day”. It had played on repeat in his head for days. 

Then, only hours after he has crawled up in her bed, the doorbell rang. He had ignored it, thinking about how it should be his mom, but how it wouldn't. After the fourth ring, he heard a key turning in the door. He silently went down. When he arrived at the door, David was standing there. It was a friend of his mom, someone who had been there since he could imagine. He remembered standing there, eyes swollen and red, face wet, nose running. He remembered David opening his arms. He remembered himself running into those arms, crying until it was over. He remembered hugging David until he fell asleep. He remembered David taking him in his arms and bringing him upstairs, to his mom's bed, and laying him there. He remembered David sitting next to the bed, the whole night. He remembered the phone call the next morning, a Japanese voice that he knew was that of his godfather. He remembered being confused about having to leave David, the first person to come to him and comfort him, and having to go live with his stone cold godfather. 

The house itself was white with a greenish rooftop. “Kevin, is this…?”, Thea asked him, afraid of the answer. He nodded. He then swallowed and got out


	3. Looking through the path of the young and lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What??? A new chapter??? Impossible

He looked around the house, did a few rounds, and then finally rejoined Thea. “It’s exactly what I remember it to be”, he told her. She sensed he was not feeling alright and that it would take a while for him too get better. He looked like he was about to vomit. Thea wondered what had ignited this sudden flood of sadness. He was exhausted. Kevin looked at her, trying and failing to cover up his sadness.

“Kevin…”, she started, not sure where she was going but trusting her mind enough to say the right thing,”This is hard for you, this is a big step. are you really willing to take it now? Don’t you want to wait until you are feeling a bit better? I have all the time. I told my team that I couldn’t play and anyone who would try to make me is going to die. The foxes and I are here for you, Kevin. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, alright?”. He nodded again. It took him a few tries to say something. Finally he pushed out a soft “thanks, I know”, before turning around and reaching under a stone.

 

Under the stone was a key. A little one, dulled from years and years of lying under that stone. When was the last time it was used? Thea wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer. “Andrew gave Neil a key, and he called it home”, he whispered, so soft she would’ve missed it if she wasn’t paying attention,”I finally understand him. When I was little, my mom would punish me if I did something bad. She would lock me in my room and then slid the key of my window under my door. She would tell me:”You, Kevin, are smart enough to find your way out of everything. Find your way out of this problem”. I was four and a half when I finally understood that I could climb out of the window. When she found out, she would always ruffle my hair and tell me how smart I was. She’d then take me to a court”. 

 

All Thea could do was stare at him because all of sudden, the little six year old kid who had been drawing and who loved playing Exy came back and now she couldn't see anything else.

 

-

 

_ Please do not do this, Riko, I'm begging you please don't please don't _

 

He opened the door to his old bedroom. All he could think off was that one night. That one night where he, as king, lost his kingdom. 

 

_ Riko, please, I thought we were friends please I am begging you please just leave me alone I won't be better you are the best you are number one please _

 

He sat down on his bed. It was completely made. Someone had come in and made his bed after he left. 

 

_ Riko, Riko! Please I am begging you you can't do this please please please please plea- _

 

He could still hear his own scream in his head. The scream filled with pain and tears and hatred and sadness and nothing.

Afterwards, Riko had left him in that little room, in the dark, without anything, clutching his hand to his chest because he had to do something. 

 

He had stayed there for 5 more minutes, crying and crying and crying until he couldn't cry anymore. He had gotten up and ran to the room he shared with Jean and Riko. He just hoped that Riko wouldn't be there. 

 

When he opened the room, it was empty. He had taken some essentials, a picture of him and his mom, some t-shirt to wrap his bloody hand in, his phone. He scrabbled a quick note in french on a paper. All it said was the quick and simple “sorry”. He was pained thinking back at it. Riko would've been furious and he had let Jean take the blow. But he couldn't have stayed.

 

-

 

Someone knocked on the door. “Riko please,  _ please _ , leave me alone I beg you”, he looked up and noticed his mistake,” Thea. I- I'm sorry”. Thea looked shocked. He had gone back too hard, too fast. She walked in slowly, keeping her eyes on him. Those eyes, those reassuring eyes that never left him. Whenever he needed strength, those eyes would find his, across the court, and talk about a future where they were both together, where they would be his knight in shining armour, and where no one could ever touch them again. 

 

She sat down next to him. He found comfort in the way the matress sunk a bit. It reminded him of those restless nights, open mouthed kisses, secret touches, muffled moans, and then coming back to see Jean throw him that knowing look, the one that said how angry he was because Kevin kept fucking this up for both of them, but that he couldn't be mad because how could he blame Kevin for trying to live? Kevin had seen the life seep out of Jean years ago. At the beginning, he had been an angry ten year old who threw fits and had decided never too fall in range. Then, slowly but surely, he became another brick in the wall. By the time Thea and Kevin began their escapes, Jean didn't have any life in him anymore. Kevin could see that he wished for nothing more than that.

  
  



	4. Wide-eyed one with a mind full of wonder

They sat there for a while, Kevin trying and failing to breathe, and Thea being the oxygen he needs. His whole life he had been wearing a rope, carefully hung around his neck so that he would just not suffocate, but that it would hurt. His whole life, it had been pulled at, teared at, trying to kill him. Now he was the one pulling it. 

It had always been like this. Kevin being the coward, running away with his tail between his legs, and Thea being the strong. She always was there for him, catching him when he fell. He just wish she didn't have too.

She leaned into his side and looked around the room. She chuckled softly and pointed at an old drawing on his desk. He looked up at the sound of her laugh, a sort of godly potion that refilled his energy. The drawing was a picture of an animal. If you could even call it that. The animal had the body of a cow, the head of a tiger and the tail of a cat, it seemed. Underneath it, in a crappy handwriting it said: “kimaera”. She picked it up and turned to face him. “I love you,” she took his hand, “but you aren’t the best artist”. He froze and she immediately released his hand. “no no, don’t please”, he reached for her hand again and stayed silent for a few seconds before he spoke up again: “you’ve never said that”, when she stayed silent, he elaborated, “You told me you love me”.

She gaped at him. Had she never? "I love you so so much, Kevin Day. More than I could ever express", she said while looking into his eyes. He shrugged.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

White. White and a bed. An infusion. A hand in his. He blinked. Slowly, he realized he was in a hospital bed. What had happened? Why was he here? He tried to sit up, and fell back. In the distance, he heard a song. It was something familiar, but he couldn’t focus enough to recognize it. 

“Hello, Kevin”, a voice sounded from his right. He turned his voice towards the sound, and flinched at the sight of pale skin, black hair and a japanese voice. The hand let go of him. 

“Why did you do it, Kevin?”, a heavily french accent asked him at his left side. He turned and immediately regretted it. If he flinched when he saw Riko, it was nothing compared to the full body flinch when he saw Jean. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, giving Kevin’s eyes perfect access to the countless cuts and wounds across his chest. If Jean’s torso was bad, his face was worse. There were tufts of hair missing and he was sporting a huge black eye. It seemed as if the Three under his eye was carved out and redrawn with knives. His eyes were tired, and he was missing some teeth. 

“He doesn’t care”, Thea’s voice told Jean. It was filled with hatred and pain, in a way he hadn’t ever heard. Kevin turned and turned, but couldn’t find the source of her voice.

“Oh, don’t bother looking for her,” Riko told him, “I took care of her. She didn’t put up much of a fight, she was dead in mere seconds. Always told you she was weak”.

No, his mind supplied helpfully. He tried to talk to scream at Riko that it wasn’t true, that she was still alive, that he could never touch her, that she wasn’t weak, but all he could do was whisper a soft no. 

This isn’t true. This is just a bad dream. She isn’t dead. This is a bad dream. This is a bad dream. This is a-

But he didn’t wake up. 

He didn’t wake up.

He didn’t get to wake up. Riko was back. Jean was hurt. Thea was gone. He didn’t wake up.

“You left me, Kevin, and Three was too worn out,” Kevin flinched at the nickname, “I had to keep myself busy some way, no?” Riko’s too sweet voice asked him. When he didn’t answer, a hand shot out and forced him to look at Riko. 

“I asked you something, Kevin”. Kevin swallowed but didn’t get any words past his mouth. 

“Fine, have it your way”, the hand released his face and he sagged back against the bed. Riko paused, as if searching for his next words. Kevin wasn’t prepared for them. “She screamed so hard, you know? Ruined her beautiful voice, not that it mattered anymore. I had Jean tie her to the bed, and then I first had some fun. Oh Kevin, you should’ve seen her, the way she was begging me to stop. She didn’t like the part where I cut her eyes out, but I thought it was rather fun”. 

At this point, Riko was sitting next to him, holding his left hand and softly tracing the scars with a small knife. 

“And then her fingers, I cut them off one by one,” He wrapped Kevin’s hand around something cold and paled when he saw her finger, her ring on it, “I got tired of it, and had Jean break her neck. Now, Kevin, that was fun. The way he cried and the way he professionally finished the job. Ah, it was great. I haven’t had so much fun in years.” 

Breathe, her voice sounded inside him. He was gasping for breath, trying to not let Riko affect him. Trying to convince himself that it was a nightmare.

Breathe, her voice sounded closer.

He screamed. “You did not! You did not touch he-”

“Breathe”, she commanded him. Everything went black. 

He heard the song again, and this time he knew it was “I carry your heart” by Eric Whitacre.


End file.
